The straw it is a-crashing...

...upon this camel's back. Have you ever had one of those moments in life when you just can't imagine one more thing being added onto a plate that's already spilling over? (Which, in my case wouldn't matter too much, since my kitchen floor is filthy...mental note::scrub kitchen floor::) Well, right now, that's me.

Work has been pushing me to my limits: Student issues that require extensive documentation, parent meetings, and data collection; evening program upon evening program (all requiring stage decorations, costumes, props, and the like. All to be purchased, organized, put together, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, by yours truly; LESSON PLANS THAT JUST WON'T QUIT; parent-teacher conferences; committee meetings; and "Oh, yeah--do you think you could write this grant? The submission deadline is tomorrow. Thanks."

I had the intention of slowing down my "performing musician" life. I've cut back on the number of symphony concerts I play in each season, and I decided this year not to perform in a wind ensemble in our city that rehearses each year starting in January and culminates in a performance for the junior high all-state band in mid-March. David also plays in this group, and in addition to the March concert this year, a performance was added in February for an intercolleigate festival. David and I decided that it would be too much for both of us to be away from Sofia, so I said I would sit this year out, but he should go ahead and play. Sadly, the director of this ensemble is currently battling cancer and his health has forced him to step aside for the intercolleigate performance this Saturday. His wife also plays flute in the ensemble and will be staying with him this weekend, so I was asked if I could step in and play for her. I said 'yes', so a bunch of rehearsals have been added into my schedule and David and I have to drive 200 miles (round trip) tomorrow for this festival, leaving Sofia for the day. I know she'll be in great care with family, and I know that the stress of the added rehearsals and performance isn't even comparable to the stress that the director and his wife are dealing with, but I can't help but let it weigh on me.

I feel like I just keep falling further and further behind. I'm in a constant state of guilt: If I'm with Sofia, I feel guilt about not getting more things done for work; If I'm working, I feel guilt about not being with Sofia. I feel guilt for not having cooked one meal this week. I feel guilt for not finishing last week's laundry and already having this week's laundry spilling out of the hamper and onto the floor. I feel guilt for not having cleaned the house in OVER TWO WEEKS. ::Good lord--is that toothpaste on the shower curtain?!?:: Oh, and I need to schedule a dentist appointment (two months overdue), a haircut (at least a good month overdue), an oil-change (will be overdue after this weekend), and set up an appointment with our tax accountant. (How far out from April 15 are we...?)

I feel guilt about complaining when there are people out there who would love to have the stress of a job, because it means they're employed. There are those who don't come home to a family at all at the end of the day because they are all alone in this world. There are those who would love the stress of a messy house, because it would mean they at least have someplace to call "home". I get it, really I do--it's just that I'm not coping with the stress very well right now. So why am I sitting here blogging about it instead of working to cross some of those things off my list? Well, to be honest, I've just hit a wall and have become paralyzed by the straw.

Oh, Dear Blog, How I've Missed You...

I can't believe how long it's been since I've last written--bad blogger, bad! Life in this nutshell seems to have been even more hectic than usual lately. There was the flurry and hurry of Christmas, which was so much fun with Sofia. She didn't really have the true concept of what was going on, but she sure did enjoy all the attention and time with her family. And, true to cliche, she really did find the wrapping paper most exciting of all. (She's really into paper to begin with--paper and tags. As in those fabric loopy tags found on clothing, toys, etc. Grandma Lonna even found her a soft fabric book ALL OF TAGS. She totally loves it.) January was full of work, rehearsals, concerts, programs, music festivals, and all sorts of things that kept us running. Good thing, too, I suppose--less time to dwell on how absolutely frigid the weather has been. February and March look as though they're going to be just as busy--they weren't originally, but the course has changed in the last couple of days. But, that's a blog entry in and of itself--later, I promise.

My goal for right now is to just spend as much time with David and Sofia as possible (enjoying every minute, every second!) and take things one day at a time. And, of course, to get this blog updated--latest photos and achievements of my little Sofalicious included :)

Allow me to brag about my

husband for a moment. I've had quite a stressful couple of weeks at work--I won't go into details, but suffice it to say, I've been in need of some downtime. Yesterday he came up to me and said, "Why don't I take Sofia with me and go run some errands and you can have some time to do whatever you want." I was able to take a shower (uninterrupted, mind you--no having to set up a bouncy seat in the bathroom and entertain a baby while simultaneously trying to shave my legs); do my hair; and DO MY TOENAILS!!! Upon my family's return, I was calm and happy, they were calm and happy, and David even brought me a coffee. Heaven! Oh, yeah.....and did I mention he did the ironing?

Drumroll, please............

For those who have been patiently waiting, here are a few pictures of Sofia from the last couple of months or so. There's Sofalicious in her Halloween costume; sporting her glow-in-the-dark Halloween jammies; and playing inside Daddy's tuba. Enjoy!

I just want to love you, Clint Eastwood

OK, so how random is this post? But let me preface by saying, I have nothing but the utmost respect for Clint Eastwood and his craft. But this has been bugging me since last night, and I just have to get it off my chest:

For years I've joked about how the spaghetti western trilogy of "A Fistful of Dollars," "For a Few Dollars More" and "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly" all have the same plot: Tough, mysterious, loner man (a bounty hunter, nonetheless) travels through desert. Shooting and fighting ensues. Man travels through desert some more. More shooting and fighting ensue. Man continues to travel through desert. BIG BIG shoot-out/show-down takes place. Tough, mysterious, loner man goes on his way. So, last night David wanted to watch 1977's "The Gauntlet". Thinking this might be the Clint Eastwood movie to turn things around for me, I was eager to see it. What it turned out to be was this: Tough, mysterious, loner man (a police officer this time) must transport a witness from Vegas to Phoenix. I won't ruin the details for you in case you haven't seen it, but what basically ensues is this: Travel through the desert. Shooting. Travel through desert some more. More shooting BIG BIG shoot out/show-down. REALLY?! I just want to love you, Mr. Hollywood Legend Clint Eastwood--why are you making it so difficult? Maybe I need to go rent "Gran Torino"........

Storytime with Mr. W

One of my schools had its book fair last Saturday. It was held at a bookstore in town, and one of the entertainment events for the afternoon was "Storytime" with our phy ed teacher. He's so great with kids, and as you can see by the picture, he had Sofia totally enthralled by "A Charlie Brown Christmas".

New Look

I decided to change up the look of the blog. I liked my previous background, but I never felt like it made my blog "mine". I think this one suits me much better. What do you think?